For the first couple of weeks of the year, almost every conversation begins with the greeting “Happy New Year.” But it’s a time with less daylight, cold weather and all the holidays are behind us. Even as they say the words, many people struggle to feel happy during January!
Lots of people fixate on trying to be happier. But the more you focus on attempting to be happier, the harder it can become. The more you quantify joy, the harder it is to come by. A psychologist published a book on happiness, Ole Höffken. He said happiness isn’t about feeling great all the time, it’s about balancing joy and sadness so that we can approach the world with a desire for exploration, cooperation and creativity. If we suppress all of our negative emotions, we tend to protect ourselves from any unpleasantness that can come from reaching beyond our comfort zone.
Dr. Höffken said our modern life isn’t conducive to happiness with all of the stimuli that agitate the brain’s reward and motivational circuits. Every silly little phone game and mindless, overstimulating activity designed to release feel-good chemicals is sabotaging long-term happiness.
Instead of seeking lofty heights of feeling great all the time, learning to enjoy smaller moments and find joy in everyday life, you can cultivate a quieter, more sustainable happiness. Gail Platts of the Scarborough Community Services teaches a free class to people in her community about changing their mindset to be happier.
“Our natural disposition is to still look for negatives first, but if we practice to look for the good, then it can rewire our brain, and it can help make us happier,” said Ms. Platts.
Ms. Platts gave the example of the short days. She said that many of us feel sad when the sun sets so early. But you can lean in with candles, hot tea and getting cozy. She said, “A lot of times we feel like life happens to us, but we’re not just passive observers. We also have influence over our experience.”
The constant push for betterment, believing it will make us happier isn’t true. In fact, new research found the opposite is true. People who take their emotional health seriously do better at long-term goals than folks who use willpower to achieve their aims, thinking success will make them happy.
The researchers conducted two studies. The first checked in with 377 people in Asia of working age several times over a year. They used surveys to see how much self-control people had versus how happy they were. The people who were happiest at the beginning were more self-disciplined as time went on. The people who were more self-disciplined at the start weren’t happier.
The second study was the same. But it was in America, used 1,299 people and checked in with them in a shorter time frame to see more immediate effects of mindset. It showed the same results. High levels of self-control didn’t improve well-being. But high levels of well-being lead to people becoming more disciplined.
“If you are looking for a positive change, our evidence suggests that boosting your well-being is a more direct and effective way to improve your self-control, rather than the other way around,” said study author Lile Jia, an associate professor at the National Univ. of Singapore.
So, this new year, instead of focusing on self-betterment and maximizing your happiness. Considering taking a breath, appreciating the smaller things in life and branching outside of your comfort zone. Doing that may help you feel happier in the long run and succeed all year long!
